buy me some chocolate, please?

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx


SOO who wants to be my life partner? hahah.

i am addicted to grey's anatomy.

I hate you guys.

http://christwire.org/2009/02/i-am-extremely-terrified-of-chinese-people/

I feel a strange urge to strangle someone. Perhaps starting with those crazy die-hard conservatives who appear to be are uneducated, ignorant little hicks who profess to be God-loving. I may not subscribe to any particular religion, but I do believe that some Mighty Being up there sure as hell isn't condoning racism and sheer stupidity.

This just makes me so mad. And a little bit sad that bigots like this still exist in this world.

IT SAAAD.

in other news, i suddenly had a flash of inspiration - well, not so much inspiration. But a thought. I guess deep down inside me I've always known that I made the right choice in coming home. But it's just nice actually actively thinking it, and realizing that it's true.

I make no sense, but its 4.20am in the morning and i am waaay cracked out. especially after laughing like a hyena for like 10 mins straight or something. heh.

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY CRYSTAL!

-the end-

so it's been quite a good week - sixday weekend coz of the elections notwithstanding (: partying, halloween, giving blood, community service etcetc.

(  tralalalaaaa. )
The service today, was in part, quite inspiring The first leg of the race was for the disabled. It's hard enough for anyone to complete the 26 mile marathon on foot, and yet, these people were pushing on right till the end in their special wheelchairs. Their indomitable will to live, to lead a strong and fulfilling life despite their hardships truly, truly touches me.

In any case, i've decided that it's time for a new life aim! Skydiving used to be right on the top of my "to-do-before-i-die" list, and since that's already done, it's time for a new number one. Having been inspired by all the runners i saw today, I decided i will run a marathon!! yayyy. and if anyone tries to bring up the fact that i have zero stamina, i will shoot them. kthnxbyeee.

i had a dream about being in a zoo. there were turtles on conveyor belts.

THE END.

Much as i dislike Britney - i loooove her new video. Mainly because of the smooookin' male lead. I LOVE men in suits. *drool*

 
Anyway. I am currently re-reading Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series in time for the Nov 21 movie release.. and I can't help but realize that the more I read it, the more i start skimming through it and just skipping parts altogether. And I think it's mostly because this story is altogether unrealistic. And that's saying alot, coming from me the trashy romance novel aficionado. Like, c'mon now. Absolute undying love (in which Edward always gives way to Bella, that whore.) Even though it's supposed to be a paranormal romance series, and therefore not supposed to seem too real, it is waaaay too fantasmical. But overall it's still a good book to read when one's trying to not do their 20-paged paper.

i hate interviews. with a passion. :(

I have always had quite the fascination with Europe - no idea from whence it came. There's just something magical about it - the history, the language, the charm.. It's quite hard to put into words, but there something just so amazing about countries like France, England, Germany, Italy, Spain etcetc that makes me want to spend day after day there, exploring each and every little nook and cranny. These are all cities that have somehow retained their old-world charm, something not often found in New York or Singapore, although both of the aforementioned locales are amazing in their own ways.

Going to Paris and Germany 4 years ago, and London, Rome and Venice last year was truly the fulfillment of a life-long dream. I wish that I wasn't so silly and immature when my sister took me around Europe, and that i got to taste the full experience that had been planned. But i suppose that there's no point crying over spilt milk, no? In any case, I have Spain, Denmark and more Germany to look forward to.


( reminiscing... )

I went skydiving.

Somewhat less exhilarating then I had expected. Although the thought that I jumped out of a plane and was in freefall for 40 seconds is kinda creepy.


Been wanting to do this for a while, and I'm glad I finally did. Now at least I can come home knowing that i have accomplished my life goal! lol.

you know things are bad when you need an excel sheet to plan out your life. I am absolutely addicted to the invention that is excel - use it for everything these days - keeping track of textbook buying, course/work due dates, spending and job applications. I bow down to Microsoft's wonderful allknowing-ness. All hail Microsoft!

In any case, my to do list grows. Things to do this weekend:
1) not go out. :(
2) envy everyone in Singapore because they are where F1 is, and i am not.
3) finish a gazillion essay questions to a gazillion companies.I love my life.
3.5) pray that someone will call me back soon.
4) Re-do a marketing assignment that I somehow managed to bungle.
4.5) pray harder, because 3.5 did not work.
5) Start on report on international co-op groups - which will eventually be equivalent to 30 pages.
6) Prepare a management presentation


Hopefully i can at least complete points 3 and 4 by this weekend. Definitely the more pressing issues in my life right now.


Nothing like a journal entry to relieve some stress. Lalalala.

It's been a long while since I'm really, truly stressed I think. Just completed a take-home test that is equivalent to a 17 page double-spaced paper. My roommate says she's never seen me working that hard ever. And the worst thing? There's still more work to do, but i figure that I deserve a little bit of a break, no?

So i think it's almost common knowledge that I'm coming home upon graduation. Of course everything is still dependent on job opportunities at either place - but with the collapse of my esteemed ex-employer, i doubt i have much of a future here.

Still remember once upon a time I would be like "oh there's no way i can come home anymore, i've changed so much." And i think i definitely have changed - which is really what made up my mind I suppose. I'm not all about the funfunfun stage anymore - well of course everyone still loves to have fun. But I'd much rather have my family and awesome friends by my side (for the rest of eternity, mind you, so if any of you assh*les decide to suddenly leave Singapore, i WILL commit murder.)

That said, I know it's still going be to awfully, awfully, hard to leave New York. Like x100000 times. My resolution is clear and set.. but damn. I've been giving this a lot of thought, perhaps more than is necessary, and everytime I think of different little scenarios in my head of my last days in New York. More often than not they're fanciful and totally results in my triumphing over everything imaginable. But still. I miss home.. and i'll miss NYC and my times here till kingdom come. I'm not sure if the feelings have totally settled in yet - the terrible realization that January 17th may well be the last time i ever see anyone of these people again. And they are people i've developed relationships with, be it a surface, or especially a deeper friendship. Can I truly give that up? Can I truly say goodbye forever? I don't think so, which is why I choose not to think about it now. Which is why i'll probably be crying buckets of tears till there aren't any left.

Life is harsh. I wish i didn't have to go through this pain.

Happy 21st birthday to saree lou-lou. <33

You know it's absolutely not normal when it's finals week, and I can still find time to karaoke and barbecue. However, it's not always a bad thing though. Even though i take six classes, I've only had 2 exams that both allow a reference sheet, and a presentation tomorrow, which will conclude my first semester of senior year. Boy, am I getting old. I'm both looking forward to next semester and fearing it - it seems necessary to feel fear at the thought of leaving schooling behind, perhaps forever. On the other hand, I'll be staying on the on-campus apartments next semester, and that involves a couple of benefits, mainly that there will no longer be a guest policy (WOOO!) and we'll have a kitchen in the suite. (: Thus, I shall spend this summer attempting to learn how to cook simple food, so that I won't starve to death. First up: OMELETTES. If I succeed i'll let you guys know and then you can sample it. If not..., Then i guess i WILL starve to death.

In any case, I'll be starting my internship in about 2-3 weeks. My employment authorization came through, and so did my drug test, so all that remains is to pass the pre-employment interview and I'm good to go. Kind of exciting (i say that now), but I'm most definitely looking forward to my first paycheck. Unfortunately this also means I won't be home until august, so that IS kinda sad :( I miss BodyCombat. lol.

I'm expecting the next 3 weeks to fly by in a jiffy - have lots of activities lined up including brunch, a weekend at a beach house, a few days in Pennsylvania (bbq!), a games day (more bbq-ing!) and just random hangout days. I'm psyched. The prospect of staying in NY for most of the summer both excites and saddens me - on one hand i finally get to hangout and bbq and do all the summer activities with friends in NY that i always missed out on, again, i just miss home so much :(

Still trying to decide if I should actually sit for the CFA exam in June. I mean, i've already paid and registered etc, but at this point, theres really no point of going since I'm just going to fail it. I barely touched the books, and at this point I confess that it's probably an error of judgement on my part. Plenty of times I could have stayed home and studied and raised the probability of passing, but I chose instead to go out and have fun. Essentially, I just kissed $200 goodbye. Should I still go there, waste 6 hours of my first weekend after work begins and see what things are like, or should I just save myself the trouble. It'll probably be the most emotionally traumatizing exam I would ever take... I have never, never walked into an exam room not feeling at least semi-prepared.

Just thinking about it depresses me.

i can't wait until spring break next week. vegas baby!

That said, i've had a shitty semester thus far. The work load isn't incredibly heavy - it's just that i intern full time on tues/thurs. When i first decided to intern, i brushed it off people when people told me that it isn't going to be easy. and i discovered the hard way that they were right. By the time that i'm back in my dorm i really just crash. In addition, I stupidly decided to sit for my CFA? Why? I assumed that I can do it. Now i'm falling behind on all of my work. A smart decision would probably be to drop the CFA and not take it, but it feels awfully like a failure if i really do end up doing that. And trust me, I do not like failure.

Well, at least there is something positive out of all these time constraints. No time to shop and waste $$.

Seriously considered removing my tongue and navel ring.. but you know.. I'm not quite sure I'm ready for that yet. I feel like since I'm interning and interviewing I should probably remove it. After all, it does no good at all. I know exactly how it's going to end up happening - just out of the blue one day I'm going to do it and not regret it. But right now, I feel like I'm not ready yet and I'm not quite sure why. Perhaps I look upon it as a physical manifestation of my youth. And heaven knows I'm afraid of getting old, but there comes a point where we all have to grow up I suppose.

Been interviewing and am continuing to do so with several US financial services firms. At first I was all for getting a summer internship here and all, and to a large extent I still adhere to that. But I was looking back on some old pictures and it really made me reminisce about home. I always tell people who ask me "dont you miss home" that you learn to deal, and then you get used to it. But i think underneath it all, the ache of being away from never truly goes away. It springs up on unsuspecting ol' me at 2am in the morning when i have to be up in 5 hours for interview and work.

There. I said it. I miss home, and I don't think I'll ever stop. Which makes me reconsider. For the past few months I've more or less set my mind on trying to get a full-time job here in States. Some part of it is me being practical and realistic, because, quite frankly, it is highly unlikely that Singaporean firms are going to hire a fresh graduate with a degree from a no-name university. The other part is that I've created a life for myself here that I can't let go. I have more friends here than I'll ever have back home because I simply lost touch with so many people, and don't forget, I never went to JC there either.

So I have quite a dilemma on my hands. I think I want to come home, but I'm not sure if i can at all. And again, the recurring question, why oh why did I ever leave home in the first place?

i wanna come home.

seeing as it is finals week, I must obviously live up to my procrastinating reputation, and do anything but study. (:

Yet another semester has (almost) come and gone. This time, it's confirmed. There is only one year left to my college career. I swear by it; i think time passes by faster and faster as you grow older. And facing the prospect of graduation is both exciting, yet terrifying. What is going to happen in a year? Am i going to have an offer in hand before i graduate? Will anyone hire me for a summer internship at all? With all these short-term issues at hand, I find it really hard to focus on the long-term. Where I see myself in 5 years, much less 10 years, i have no clue. Will i be married? (highly doubt it, but that's not the point.) Will I be obscenely rich and successful? Wishful thinking, that's what it is lol.

Turned 20 a few weeks ago, and damn i feel old. I truly have this fear of aging. I guess it's the stereotypes that society imposes on us - that old people are frail and useless... and that's something that I never want to be. Which might explain why I seem to fear aging, even though i'm only 20,much more than most people around me. I like being in control of my life; unfortunately time is one of the things that we have no sway over.

Again and again, i'm confronted with the same dilemma. What are my plans after I graduate? Do i stay in new york, assuming i can even find a job? Do i go back to singapore, where there's a possibility no one would employ me? I think i can more easily visualize myself working here - after all, i've only spent almost a fifth of my life (one of the more important phases thus far, too) in new york. I'm hoping with all my heart that I'll be able to land a summer internship at one of the banks here, and then get an offer through there. Granted, I always have the option of going back home, but I don't want to take that route only because I know that I have failed in my primary goal. At the same time, I'm not even sure if i can say positively that i am willing to stay in New York and give up my life in Singapore. Singapore is and will always be home to me - after all, the single most important person in my life is there. (hi sissy.) My life can never the same without her. :( There's just so much I'm not ready to give up in either location. So what am i supposed to do?

Sometimes I just wish i never came to New York at all. Then i wouldn't have had to make a choice like that at all.

The first month and a half of school has been incredibly, incredibly hectic - to the point where I hardly find time to come on LJ and read entries.

Life has been more or less the same i guess. For some reason, before I left Singapore this year I was thinking in my head that it's going to be difficult to settle back into living in New York.. because something in my psyche has changed.. but really, it hasn't at all. From the moment I stepped off the plane it was pretty much walking back into my life like I've never left before. And that's pretty much the same for Singapore.. it seems to me like i've found my home in two different locales.

The weather has been fairly good lately. It's only begun to get cold recently - i guess partly due to global warming and the likes. But i do enjoy this weather.. you put on a light coat and you're ready to go. I'm beginning to wonder though, at the rate that i'm shopping where on earth I'm going to put my clothes when I end out moving out of my dorms and into an apartment or back home, whichever it may be.

Classes and exams have been driving me absolutely crazy.. All these Finance and other more advanced senior courses have been taking a toll. I find myself doing increasing amounts of work and studying, and as a result, I haven't been to the gym in the last month. I also find myself increasing attached to my Wall Street Journal, which surprisingly, can be an incredibly interesting read. One can always count on me having a few things with me - a bottle of water, at least one issue of the Wall Street Journal, and my Blackberry.

Yes, you read right. My beloved Blackberry Pearl. A recent acquisition -- you see, my Motorola had taken to turning off every single time i flipped it open to pick up a phone call. So i figured that since I was going to upgrade to a phone.. and why not the Blackberry? It has a calendar and tasks list, internet, messenger service, instant emails (!!). The price and plan premium is perhaps not worth it, but I enjoy it anyways.

*Good News* Also, assuming nothing goes wrong from here, I will begin interning at Merrill Lynch starting this January. I'm really, really, reallllly excited about this so definitely keep your fingers crossed for me. (:

In other news, I like Chocolate Chip Muffins. (: